A Walk On The Beach

Lonely or Not?

I don't know if there was a time I can remember being alone at the beach; I'm getting old. My friends and family say you deserve a break and "me time," and maybe I do, but I do not feel liberated and rejuvenated. I, in some ways, feel more alone than ever. I have peace, but having peace does not mean that I am also not feeling scared, unsure, sad, stressed, confused, lonely, mad, and other verbs that come to mind. I think about those I would love to walk beside on the beach right now instead of walking alone and how others would feel the same—the double-edged sword of life. We need alone time, but God did not build us to be alone.

As I walked on the beach, I decided not to take my sunglasses because I did not want them falling off or holding them. I started my walk around 3:30 pm, away from the sun, thinking maybe I would catch the sunset back. As I walked back, looking down the whole time because of the blinding sun, not a sunset, I noticed many other footprints. The Footprints in the Sand poem came to mind. I did not see Jesus's footprints walking beside me; as the poem

many footprints in the sand

goes, instead, I felt Jesus walking beside me. Jesus does not have to make footprints; He walks on water. Jesus has walked with many on this beach, and some have walked alone. Of course, I thought about my mom, and then I thought about my family and friends that were part of my beach memories. I guess you can compare me to Clark Griswald in Xmas Vacation, where he is stuck up in the attic, by himself, crying and reminiscing the "good old days." As you get older, it is true; you become your parents/ "old" people.

I can not help but think of the current events happening in real-time, knowing some people would do anything to be where I am listening to the sound of the ocean, seeing their foot impressions in the sand. I feel guilty, sad, and blessed at the same time. I try to remember that you do not know a different perspective until the shoe is on the other foot. I know I sometimes need to check myself and count my blessings. Can things be worse? Yes. Is this how we answer the question, will God give us no more than we can handle? Are the paths of others more painful and challenging? God works all things for your good, not a pardon of life's stress.

I think about how much has changed in my life in just three years. When life hits you hard as you age, you start to question if you can overcome anything more. Being under the age of 30, you will have plenty of time to overcome anything, or at least you should. However, I am only 43, and I feel that my life has no guarantee of living past tomorrow. My aunt died at 58, my mom at 64, and I am not sure I want to be 93 like my grandma, so I pray to God to find the middle.

single footprints in the sand

Empathy:

Having empathy is the humane thing we all should feel. Feeling empathy allows no room for jealousy. When life is harsh, others live in the best times of their lives. I once had a "rich" person say to me that being rich can be lonely. First, you question who is genuine. If you are wealthy, no one can afford the same things, so you either pay for them to join you or go alone. This statement was sad. You should enjoy the "fruits of your labor," but don't forget about the dry seasons. Being alone is not the same as feeling lonely.

Relationships:

Having any relationship is hard enough these days, so how do you have a relationship with Jesus? Thomas was one of the 12 apostles of Jesus. I think the story of "doubting Thomas" was a significant moment between him and Jesus. Losing someone special can make grief feel too much. You believe that you have to wish them away instead of feeling pain. Jesus wanted Thomas to see to believe because Jesus had empathy for his pain, but Jesus also wanted all others after Thomas to know that seeing is by faith, not by sight.

I watched my dad pray on bending knee by his bed growing up. Sometimes I feel guilty when talking to God that I don't pray and speak to Him always on bending knee. Then the story of Paul intervenes, and I remember Jesus reminding Paul, My Grace Is Sufficient, so talk to God however and whenever you can.

You first must understand that Myrtle Beach is more than a beach to me; this beach is part of my HOME. No childhood memory is more precious to me; that did not happen in Myrtle Beach. Everything happened here, it seems. I could bring Charleston into this story, but I will save that for another time. If someone were to ask me my favorite childhood beach memory, I honestly could not answer that question. My beach memories are all molded together, but I can also remember each memory apart.

My final thought;

The uncertainty is often worse than the diagnosis. Peace Be With You.

John 20: 19-31

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